Different Perspective
Tyson recommended a book to me awhile back ... Love is a mix tape. I finally got around to reading it. It wasn't bad and was a quick read. There were a few things that stuck out to me and things that made me wonder if that is how other people also viewed their experiences with similar situations. However, this one particular passage smacked me in the face. I guess I just never thought about it this way, or that husbands possibly thought about it this way. If you're a husband, do you?
There was no way I could have seen it coming, yet the fact that I couldn't protect her from it drove me crazy. How could something like this just happen? Why couldn't I do anything about it? I felt helpless many times, as an adult even, but feeling helpless as a husband was different from anything I'd ever felt in my life. This was just a temporary snag, but it made me realize how many more of these there were going to be. I was going to have to get used to feeling helpless if I was going to remain a husband. And being a husband made me helpless, because I had somebody to protect.
I suddenly realized how much being a husband was about fear: fear of not being able to keep somebody safe, of not being able to protect somebody from all of the bad stuff you want to protect them from. Knowing they have more tears in them than you will be able to keep them from crying. I realized that she had seen me fail, and that she was the person I was going to be failing in front of for the rest of my life. It was just a little failure, but it promised bigger failures to come. Additional ones, anyway. But that's who your wife is, the person you fail in front of. Love is so confusing; there's no peace of mind.
Regardless of husband or wife, I think the last sentences are true. Your spouse is the person that you're going to fail in front of. And you have to be okay with it. They're the one that you can truly and honestly be yourself with - no walls. And they're the one there to brace you during and pick you back up after that fall.
1 comment:
From a Husband's standpoint, or at least this Husband's standpoint: I understand the writer's feelings on helplessness. There is something awful about seeing someone you love in pain, without being able to take that pain away. But I believe simply being there does help the pain, we are not truly "helpless." And while I agree that you are never more exposed, and never more yourself in front of your spouse: I have never felt feelings of failure or worrying over failing. I don't think as long as you are there trying it would be perceived as a failure. Its good to see you posting!
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